Button-Presser

Jess Zellinger

A typical caricature of the worst possible job is something like pushing a button over and over again for eight hours while you stare at a computer screen. And that’s exactly what I did for one summer. My task was to scan through an interminable number of pages of HTML code, searching for question marks, exclamation points, or quotation marks, and then delete them. Search, delete. Search, delete. Ctrl + F, backspace. Ctrl + F, backspace. Head, keyboard.

I’d like to put a positive spin on this—to say that my diligent work ethic and unparalleled command of button-pressing soon led to my promotion to an upper-management position where -I- got to select the arcane tasks for my minions to complete (replace every third asterisk with your favorite Wingdings character!)—but sadly my sole legacy resides in the form of a butt-shaped crater in my ergonomic desk chair. And perhaps a medical bill for carpal tunnel in ten years. Yeah, they’ll be hearing from me.